News in brief #1

Today's Agoraphobics Anonymous meet finished early due to poor attendance. Guest speaker Quentin Doors-Wickly was a no-show.

A new shop selling antique body jewellery, run by Nancy Fipple-Ring, opened yesterday in Hertinmer Square.

Mayor Lunter pulled a real stinker after getting his beer glasses steamy during his traditional New Year's Eve bar shift at the Sleeping Wit.

Congratulations to Madge Vucous without whose work we would not now be officially twinned with the village of Spagina in Italy.

Peggy Smeenis is petitioning the council for a Pranker's Wycke Annual Spoonerism Day. We like Monday the 1st.

And lastly, well we didn't beat Rage Against the Machine to the Xmas no.1 slot, but "The Yuletide Log" from Bertie Dumhole proved to be a massive no. 2 - Thanks to all the villagers in Pranker's Wycke for an unprecedented download.