The week in review (formerly News in brief) #3

We started the week with a question. Recession: has the bust been over inflated? Paradoxically, cosmetic surgeon, Hunter Mayter M.D. FACS, felt it had. In an upbeat interview, Mayter and his colleague Justin Mector M.D., introduced us to Flying Fresh, their new clinic and first venture outside the US. For the full interview, click here.

Next came the distressing news that Sheena Vnitzel had closed her Austrian restaurant, the Strudel Feichlater, pending an Environmental Health investigation. Diners reportedly became ill on the evening celebrity couple V and D were due to make a public appearance.

On Tuesday, with the snow melting rapidly, Marge Lammaries reminded us that her Great Tits were increasingly heading south, in search of food. Mick, her husband, encouraged us all to get our "Nuts out for Great Tits" T-shirts, available from all retailers in Pranker's Wycke. Next week, Mick will share with us the plight of the Corn Bunting.

Ever wanted to pole dance to keep fit, but been too embarrassed to try? Tate Grits, a straight up American gal and part of the new Flying Fresh team, ran her first class at Wannakem Lyceum on Tuesday. "An uplifting experience," said Joan Mentley after the session.

If pole dancing feels a bit too exotic, maybe Gabby Flit's new Front Diet system is more your cup of tea. Join her band of losers at the Duke of Porchester, every Thursday at 8pm.

Well, what are the chances? Lyla Smott (nee Smittle) bought a lotto ticket, the morning of her wedding at Mitzmaid Cloisters last Saturday, which won her £9.7m! What a wedding night - full in the luck department? You bet!

And lastly, back from TEFL in Japan, we heard from Gale Whourmand who spoke about her reading group hobby. "'Book Clubber' they'd shout at me. I'd devour Moby Dick in one sitting," explained Gale who, with partner Scott Grimshaw, invites you to join her new reading group at the Wailing Anchor, Mondays at 8pm.

Letters #1

Stand up, lest we be inconvenienced

Dear Residents

Firstly I must thank all of you who got behind my Brown Trout campaign. I regularly pinch a loaf from the bread bin and nip down to feed the fish! Last year’s significant release has really made Raphole Creek, the regeneration project and the crack-down on dumping, a local success story.

It is with positive expectations then that I ask you to join with me in a new movement, to prevent the closure of the public convenience in Hertinmer Square. Last week, the council stated that as part of plans to lay bigger cable, the public lavatory will need to be removed, with no provision to replace it.

When I need to drop the kids off in town or I’m doing a Brownie run, I find it reassuring to know there’s a place to go if I get caught short. Which facilities would office workers use in the event of an emergency evacuation? Where would customers of the Sleeping Wit spend a penny on the way home?

If we let this happen, what will close next? The post office or maybe the bank? Where then would we go to send a large brown package or make a liquid deposit?

We, the residents of Pranker’s Wycke, must not allow our concerns on the matter to be pooh-poohed. We must strain, such that our voices be heard. We should ready ourselves in case the council chooses to play dirty.

If you want to contribute to the “We won’t lose the loo!” campaign, please do get in touch.

Sheila Fitt-Cumming

Notices #2

Missing

Nurtured by wildlife enthusiast Marge Lammaries, her two Great Tits had been regular visitors to the garden of no. 44 Sipping Rise. They were last seen on the morning of Monday 27th November.

“I’d been cleaning my box in preparation for a web-cam that Bertie Spellend is going to install for me,” explained Mrs. Lammaries. “My Great Tits usually just seem to be sitting in front of me, but when I looked down, they were gone!”

Mr. Lammaries, a keen twitcher, was shocked to hear of the disappearance. “Mick, my husband, had been in his shed crushing his nuts and bagging his seed for the winter, so he never saw nothing,” said the deflated part time geriatric nurse.

“I just hope they haven’t flown over the back field to Frock Cottage and been eaten by Snatch,” said Mick Lammaries. “Sister Foundly’s Shorthair has a dreadful reputation,” he added.

Marge Lammaries is anxious to know her Great Tits are OK and urges anyone with any information to get in touch.