Tony Poucher is feeling a little hoarse

"It’s all the shouting I was doing at yesterday’s fundraiser," revealed Tony Poucher, manager at the Equine Home of Rest. Tucked away in the secluded hamlet of Stross Gables, the home has been a sanctuary for abused, mistreated and unloved horses, ponies and donkeys for over 20 years.

The 35 current residents receive hands-on attention from volunteer helpers who gladly spend most of their spare time giving the animals the love they’ve hitherto missed out on. “They definitely respond to all the stroking and touching,” said Deborah Zickmüncher, a regular helper at the home. “Trojan is my favourite. He’s massive, the biggest here. Each morning when me and the other girls turn up, he is desperate to get his oats.”

“All the team here bend over backwards for these beasts,” acknowledged Tony. “Helping out is often about blood, sweat and tears. It takes a special kind of person to do what we do. Flexibility is critical, as some days we’re here at the home, other days we take a couple of the animals to farm shows to raise funds.”

Despite these regular events and welcome donations received from visitors, the future at the Equine Home of Rest is not certain. Jules Misdrinker, willing helper and keen horsewoman, had in the past offered up her sizeable box to residents of the home, but changes in insurance and HSE legislation now make this impossible. “Without transport, we can’t get the horses to the public, which has a big impact on our funding,” explained Jules. “I used to easily accommodate a couple of young colts in my box. The other girls and I always prefer to take a big one if possible, although I’ve never managed more than 18 hands.”

But all is not lost. Victor Loleshole, a Pranker’s Wycke wildlife conservationist, has promised the home some local authority funding. So it looks like they will be getting that much needed transportation after all.

“Do come and visit us, it’s a great family day out. With your entry fees and donations we can continue to provide a safe haven for these dear creatures, a place where they can live out their days in peace,” said Tony disappearing into the cold February night to cover his mares.

Tackle's out up Raphole Creek

The quiet waterways of Pranker’s Wycke seem an unlikely location for invasion. Yet, beneath our still waters, an interloper is lurking. The enemy is the armoured suckermouth catfish, an invasive North American species that has spread rapidly since first recorded in Raphole Creek less than a year ago.

“It’s extremely worrying,” said Ms Trish E Fench, president of the Wycke Angler’s Association. “The local fauna simply can’t compete with its voracious appetite and ability to stay on the bed no matter the force of the discharge. If we can’t control it, our traditional spawning grounds at Runkon Spring will be decimated.”

The unfamiliar habits of this new breed have so far thwarted the efforts of resident anglers.

“The main problem is the suckermouth seems to show no interest in our flies,” explained club secretary Grant Pope, who this time last year was happily organising his tackle for the coming season. “We’ve tried everything. Even Trish, who really knows how to dress the hook, hasn’t had any luck so far.”

“Despite the cold, some of our hardier male members have been out morning, noon and night, but without so much as a nibble,” added Ms Fench. “I went to join them yesterday after work, and the sight of them all standing hopefully with their rods in hand filled me with a strange mixture of pride and despair.”

However, all is not yet lost, and Trish is hopeful that if we, the residents of Pranker’s Wycke, pull together, we can be free of the suckermouth once more.

“It came to me in a flash last evening. Grant was fumbling around in my box for inspiration after another fruitless session up the Creek. Suddenly I realised - it wasn’t so much the bait as the technique that was lacking. Catching North American fish requires North American methods. Fortunately I remembered a recent visit to my old friend Vicky Stibrator in Kentucky. She had lost interest in rods some time ago, but achieved great success and satisfaction by skilful use of the hand. She quickly established herself as the local ‘dogging’ expert, as Kentuckians call the widespread practice of catching catfish using only one’s bare hands. (I understand it is called noodling or tickling elsewhere). Well, Grant was off like a flash after I told him, and had immediate success where Wyedmi Rife runs up the back of the overflow car park. I think this may be the taste of things to come.”

In order for dogging to really be successful, we need as many people as possible to get out into the fresh air and have a go. A sign-up sheet is in the townhall so do please get involved and let us know if you have any success catching a suckermouth.

Double-click your mouse with Digital Stimulation

Hey there web fans! As promised, our cafe is now open offering you a variety of freshly brewed coffees made from the highest quality beans. Choose from our delicious range of sandwiches, salads and pastries. You can meet with friends, grab a byte (nerd alert), or simply drop in to access the Internet from your laptop using our free wifi service. If you require a little privacy, you can help yourself to one of our Internet terminals. All five self contained booths are cleaned after each customer; there is nothing more annoying than somebody else's mess all over the place when you want to chuck your own stuff down. Mickey Stouse, our tech support, is always available to lend you a hand if you get stuck. We hope to see you soon!

Top tip: When you’re using public terminals to access the Internet, at the end of your session, however tired you may be, remember to sign out of any websites you’ve logged into. This prevents any trace of your activity falling into the wrong hands.

Bertie Spellend ;-)

They promised us it was over; Frank Winnetically is ringing again

The Pranker's Wycke Ringers met yesterday evening for our first practice session of the year. We are extremely grateful to Sister Foundly who gave us Frock Cottage for the night. It was especially pleasing to have a couple of campanological 'virgins' amongst the old hands, and I know the excitement on their faces brought memories of my first pick-up flooding back. We were also delighted to welcome back Frank Winnetically after his time away from us. I know I speak for all the ringers when I say that without his energetic and skillful direction, we found co-ordinating anything more than a two-in-hand quite impossible: Frank you certainly left a hole that no other man could fill.

After the introductions and a gentle warm-up, we got straight down to business. Frank's pick-up was as polished as ever, and his ring had lost none of the warmth that won him such acclaim in last year's exhibition at Mitzmaid Cloister. At first the new-comers were rather shy and tentative, poor technique quickly tiring their wrists. However, after a short break for tea, we were all back at it. Frank explained how, for a "normal" ring it is important to move the bell about six inches out and away from the body (in a motion parallel with the floor), keeping the bell slightly tilted so the clapper rests against the back side of the casting. An abrupt stop should follow, and the inertia of the clapper does the rest.

We then spent a delightful hour "getting to know each other", with some simple change ringing. This gave our novices the chance to adjust their backstroke and hand-strokes to our tempo. The always eager Job Nockey gave us the highlight of the evening when a combination of sweaty palms on wood and a particularly vigorous hand-stroke resulted in him losing his grip altogether. His instrument sailed over our heads and landed, bell-end first, on the supper tray that was at that very moment being brought into the parlour by Paul's wife, Peggy Smeenis. Peggy had brought along one of her home made cheeses which she'd been carefully ripening for the occasion, and this took the brunt of the impact, spraying her face with sticky globules. There wasn't a dry eye in the house as Job, purple-headed with embarrassment, tugged the bell free and attempted to scrape as much cheese from around his rim as possible.

After that, all we were fit for was to round off the evening with a gentle travelling two-in-hand. We are already looking forward to our next session when Frank has promised to teach us his famous knuckle grip.

If anyone is interested in joining the Pranker's Wycke Ringers, please contact Donna Tugick.